A Heart of Ice [Private/Invite]

A warm flame decorated the room with light. The moon hung in the sky, and the water seemed to make it seem like midday. A single creature sat beside the fire, his hands warmed from the open fire, a small squirrel impaled on a stick was held.

"This isn't so bad." Xa said to himself, his voice echoing within the cave. He was far enough from most of the ice that there was a river flowing as if ice didn't exist. The winds were cold, but did not enter his domain. He smiled at his cooked meal as he turned to see his prize. A single mug sat on top of a flat rock, a single weed stood tall in the dirt in the cup. To the lizard, it was a a home waiting to be grown. To others, it was a foliage pest that should have been pulled long ago.

This time, his clothing weaved and purchased. While in town, he spend some time doing some quick jobs and work. His small size being used to many dragon's advantages. He didn't want to admit that he was a good masseur, but when a dragon offers clothing and a plant for a foot rub, he doesn't decline.

He sat within the confines of his new temporary home. He held the first food he wold have in weeks. It was time to enjoy himself.

Dreams of a swamp full of mixmatched buildings and dragons and reptilians. It seemed to make as much sense as the creature who wished for the utopia. It was dirty, rugged, and colorful to say the least, but it was far from what people wanted. But that was what Xa wanted. He wanted to be isolated, separated from the other corrupt parts of the world. There was no way to fix the world. What he couldn't repair, he wanted to forget. He wanted to create a place where worries were removed. A place where none would dare trespass. A place where only the natives knew how to navigate. That was the life he wanted.

He did not wish to be a king. He did not wish to be a ruler. He didn't even want to be a leader. All he wanted to do was give others a chance to change. That's all he wanted. He wanted to give people a choice. That was who he was.

"Qa'Shunji, could do better." he would say, his voice low. "Xa'Jjang does not deserve chance." A sigh would escape his lips, separating his sentences. "Xa makes better servant. That is why Xa give Shunji only food." his stomach would growl.

It was the first food he cooked in weeks, and the first potential bite he could have had in months. His organs had begun to eat him from the inside, but his own ability would heal himself, feeding the pain. "Xa, does not deserve this, love. Only Shunji."

He would look over, hearing her get up in rage. She begun to stand and walk away. He immediately sat up, his hand reaching out as if to pull her back. Just as she did so, she stopped, his mind mulling over her words. If she felt the same, then he was the worst mate she would ever have. He felt it burn as he continued to make mistakes. He tried so hard, and even now, he failed.

"Sometimes, I know not what to say." He spoke, his voice calm. It was no longer shaken with emotion like before. "For the last years, my company was my own. I learned the language by listening to other conversation." He took in  breath, hoping not to lose words in translation. All he understood were concepts of war. He did not understand the smaller, simpler words, but that did not mean he could not understand them.

Her eyes were to close, her hands would fold. Whatever she asked for, Xa hoped he too could be her salvation. But she would turn away, and he again would feel sorrow. If she too wished to walk to the ends of the world, he would make sure to make it happen. He would reach to his weapon, carefully removing it. No sound to be made over the crackling of the flame.

Again, he would take in a breath. The blade reversed, he would plunge the blade clean unto his belly. He would cut an upward triangle, just under his ribcage. He would remove the weapon, placing it beside him, trying not to bother her. He felt too much of a burden. He had to show his affection in the only way he understood.

His right hand would make his way into his wound. His forearm disappeared into his belly. He would grunt, making sounds of pain, but he bit down on his own tongue. He wished not to disturb her anymore. But his own venom would begin to numb his pain. His hand would reach out, passing back each organ until it reached his destination. He would soon begin to cough, spitting up blood. the liquid pouring from his wound over his clothing. Then his arm would twist, and the sound of a tear would be heard. He would slowly remove his limb, his hand in a fist.

His breathing troubled, panting. His arm would extend between him and her. His eyes red, bloodshot. He would stare blankly at her, his hands holding yet another gift.

"I believe. . . it is custo...mary..." His eyes would interdependently blink. His body would continue to live, as if by super natural means. But with one organ removed, he would simply begin to repair and grow another. "To give . . . your . . . heart. . . to the one. . . you love. . . yes?" His breathing begun to grow faint, but h felt no pain. The organ continued to beat in his hand. Even if he did not know the language, or what most of the words meant outside of his native tongue, he would do his best to understand. While he was older, his mind was like a child's. He never had a friend, let alone more than that.

All he had was Shunji.

Stone faced, he brought his hand back to himself. He must have misunderstood. but to sever his own arteries, he wasn't sure of putting it back would be that easy. "Xa will . . . Later." He looked at his bloodied hand, not really sure what to do. He set it beside him, and crossed his legs. If he could survive a beheading, he could surely make it past this. But he wasn't sure what to do with the extra organ.

He would cross his legs, waiting to find out how to properly show his feelings. But at the same time, he wondered what his own heart would taste like. It was more for discovery, than anything. He was hungry after all, and he didn't want it to go to waste.

"Xa has. . . done... wrong?" he would ask, some blood dripping from his chin. However, his expressions and mannerisms seemed to be the same of that first night. He was not changed, he was learning how it was to not just survive, but live.

He would be as still as stagnant water. His heart would stop beating. His face would be lost in the world that had opened up to him. Colors would flow in, him understanding so many things, with so few tools to use. The cavity in his chest would remain empty, and the heart beside him would simply leak blood, no longer pulsating.

"Xa sees." he would say, grasping reality fragments at a time. "Xa now knows. . . why mask was worn." his vocabulary limited. He still had trouble breathing, but it did not bother him. "Shunji sho. . . .uld. . . have kept on."

He would take in a deep breath, the sound of blood bubbling in his throat. He would stare into her eyes, her face, her teeth. "Xa. . . I, could live forever." He would turn to face her, "And I. . . would never see anything as beautiful as you." He would gasp for air, the holes in his lungs closing slowly. The heart on the floor turning black, a beat in his chest starting so ever faint. Eyes widened, he felt like he understood the meaning of life.

And it was love.

Gears would begin to turn, and pieces seemed to click together. For once, he understood it all.

Rushing to her, he would embrace her. His arms would hold her, and hug her. He wasn't entirely sure what love required him to do, but he could still show he cared. "I do." were the first words to escape his lips. I meant it when I said I would protect you." His head would rest on her shoulder. It was more for him to know it was real, and she was really there.

"You are the most precious thing to me." Xa spoke, his voice steady, as if he found a new path of life. He didn't want to ruin this moment, or any other moment. "Thank you for showing me what love is. And thank you for showing what true beauty looks like."

He felt like a screw up born generations too late. Many customs of the world made him feel primitive. It was like being a caveman, frozen in ice, only to be thawed in a world of creatures you never heard of, and a language you never spoke before. He had catching up to do, but now, he would have to adapt even faster. He could not allow himself to fall behind. He had to do it for himself, for Shunji.