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Post by Ragnarock Mon Sep 07, 2015 7:53 pm

Personal Info:

General Appearance:

Tribe Information and Status:

Skills and Abilities:

Weaknesses:

Combat Style:
[/spoiler]

Background:
[/spoiler][/color]


Last edited by Ragnarock on Sat Oct 26, 2019 6:39 pm; edited 12 times in total
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Post by Ragnarock Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:09 pm

I am finished with this. He is no god, he is mortal and most of his power was stripped form him, like what was said in the application before.
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Post by Cosmos Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:32 pm

Alright, let's get started.

Firstly, all the spoilers aren't needed. Kind of disorienting.

Secondly, there are issues with both your abilities. The traits of your Dark Manipulation is exclusive to NightWings. Either change your heritage or remove/change the ability. Next is your Pain Resistance. "Being of pure muscle and metal and strength he has known to use his head for even blocking, remarkably, ramming his opponents even from the sky to collide with then kill them instantly, if they are not hat strong enough. A blast of magic or fire, can affect him, but not as much as it should, but, a dragon that shoots out light will be able to deal some more damage then what they should."

This should be a strength to not be considered OP. That because of your muscular build, you are much more durable. This ability is saying "Most of the basic attacks that are commonly used by every don't effect me and feel like tickles." So it's basically unfair even when most of the time you'll be faced against people of equal power. So either trim the strength of this power, add better weaknesses, or make it a strength with some trimming.

Bump when edited
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Post by Ragnarock Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:51 pm

Finished.
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Post by Ragnarock Tue Nov 17, 2015 8:28 pm

Bumping this^
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Post by Sly Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:31 pm

You have a total of 3 powers here, one of them that should really only belong to the Nightwings. Under strengths, you listed one of your powers as being able to manipulate the shadows into forming weapons, shields or a dark energy blast from the mouth, yet under special abilities, this wasn't listed there. Instead, there are 2 different powers. Reorganise your strengths description and remove the Shadow manipulation ability, then give us a heads up with a bump.

Please note, starting apps begin with only 1 or 2 abilities.

Cheers.
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Post by Ragnarock Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:43 pm

There, I think I am finished.
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Post by Sly Thu Nov 19, 2015 1:14 am

There is a contradiction between your strengths and weaknesses. In strengths, you mentioned to be fast, but under weaknesses, it was changed to he was actually slow in both ground and air. Might want to fix that.

Aside from this, I will approve when bumped.
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Post by Ragnarock Thu Nov 19, 2015 9:34 am

And thus I have fixed it.
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Post by Sly Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:48 pm

Pre-Approved

Ask an admin to help you with colour name and badge.
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:44 am

Out for edits.
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Post by Ragnarock Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:13 pm

Done
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:23 pm

What was changed?
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Post by Ragnarock Wed Mar 15, 2017 2:31 pm

Personality, interests, dislikes and fear
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:39 pm

He likes to make ailments to aid in health and combat?
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Post by Ragnarock Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:41 pm

Yes, reasoning is his age, his body isnt as durable as it once was so like what was said he studies magics and alchemy for that reason... Amd maybe more if i missed em.
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:55 pm

You know an ailment is a sickness or illness? So you're saying he uses illnesses and sickness to improve his health...
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Post by Ragnarock Thu Mar 16, 2017 9:01 am

Yeah... I changed that XD
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Post by Ragnarock Thu Mar 16, 2017 6:28 pm

Bump done.
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Thu Mar 16, 2017 7:56 pm

Re-approved
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Post by Ragnarock Mon Dec 04, 2017 7:21 pm

There are some minor details I wish to edit please.
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Mon Dec 04, 2017 7:33 pm

Out for edits.
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Post by Ragnarock Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:15 pm

Amd done, just a few mispellings and errors I fixed, nothing added.
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:42 am

Alright.
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Post by Baldirak Sapiens Draco Sat Oct 26, 2019 6:28 pm

Out for edits.
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