Noctis Umbra Jr.

Type of Character: (Dragon)
Name: Noctis Umbra Jr.
Link to Character List Page:
Alias: Nightshade (his name translated into English)
Age: equivalent of a 15 year old human
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual  
Personality: Noctis Umbra is rather shy and tries to avoid contact with dragons and other lesser beings, not to say he is a weakling. He just prefers to stay to himself and watch things unfold while hiding in plain sight.
Fears: Light magic, sources of bright light, humans  
Strengths: Has a developing build which grants him physical strength, but not on the level of an adult Nightwing. Noctis Umbra is a fast study and quickly learns from his mistakes.
Weaknesses: Noctis Umbra’s biggest weakness is his overconfidence, if engaged in combat with another dragon his overconfidence causes him to be reckless, sometimes he doesn’t realize his error until he gets injured. After having some sense knocked into him he turns tail and runs.

Black body with dark grey stripe running the length of his body. He has grey hair and orange eyes.
Height: 24 ft
Scales: flat black scales that are slightly leaf shaped
Eyes: orange
Appearance: Black body with dark grey stripe running the length of his body. He has grey hair and orange eyes.

Tribe Information and Status
Tribe: NightWings Tribe
Inheritance: pure breed
Rank: Trainee
Family: Father: Noctis Umbra Sen.; Mother: Eclipse Mwezi; 2 brothers and 1 sister (names I will think of later)
Pets: A Phantom Raven chick named Halcyon
Mate: N/A
Hatchlings: N/A

Skills and Abilities
Normal Abilities: Can manipulate shadows by becoming invisible whilst in shadows, also can use shadows to partially control lesser creatures. I.E. manipulates a shadow to stretch along the ground to hold a lesser creature in place. Effective range is 30ft and he can't hold anything larger than large game such as deer, moose, and elk. Even with those he can only completely hold them up to 10 minutes, after that he starts losing his grip on them. He hasn’t fully developed this ability therefore he cannot hold bigger and stronger creatures in the shadow grip. The creatures mentioned can move slightly and with enough effort can break free due to Noctis' inexperience.
Special Abilities: He is developing an ability that is supposed to make himself intangible for brief moments, but since he is working on it still, he cannot use this ability.
Combat Style: Prefers ambush tactics whilst hunting and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. He tends to attempt to ensnare his prey in his shadow grip to make up for not being physically strong enough to hold the prey directly.

Background
History: Born into the tribe along with 2 brothers and a sister to his father whom he is named after and his mother. They have lived a relatively peaceful life with only one dangerous incident involving nest of predatory birds. His father roared at the birds which they gathered their young and flew away. His siblings want to become healers and are being trained by Eclipse. Noctis Umbra Jr. wants to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a tracker. He has been out on hunting expeditions with his father, although he has failed to catch anything as of yet. He is learning quickly and will soon get his first successful hunt. On one of his ventures into the nearby forest he stumbles across a chick  not like any seen before, instead of eating it he takes it home and takes care of it. Noctis names it Halcyon.

First things first, you removed the line where you're supposed to include a link to your character list. I realize this is your first ever character and thus don't have a character list yet, but that part of the template still needs to be there.

So, according to what you have listed under strengths, Noctis is not an adult, correct? If that is the case, you might want to state how old he would be right now if he were a human. Depending on that age, you might have to adjust your height accordingly. You have that his magical prowess is a force to be reckoned with, but not the level of an adult. Just be aware that since you don't have any magical abilities currently, you can't go around using magic in an RP yet. Now on to his abilities. What do you mean by "lesser creature"? Are you referring to the Lesser Species that we have or do you just mean any creature that is physically weaker than him, including other dragons? What is the range of this ability? How big of a creature can he currently hold and for how long? You have that stronger creatures can break free, but about weaker ones? Can they break free at all or can you just hold them for as long as you want?

Let me know when you have addressed what I've brought up and if have any questions.

ok i've done what you said

Your wording has it that he can hold anything larger than a moose. You might want to fix that. Ten minutes is a good time for anything not strong enough to break free. For clarification, can they move at all, as in still able to move the rest of their body, or are they completely frozen in place? The range of this ability needs to be reduced. It's currently almost 100ft, which would be fine if he were an adult with more experience. However, he is only a teenager, so I'd bring it down to maybe between 20 and 30ft.

fixed

on another note, chewbacca is hilarious

Approved.

And yes, Chewbacca is awesome.

Out for edits. Please put any changes/additions in bold print.

done editing

Reapproved