Neltharion - Remake (YAY, It's happening)

Personal Info
Name: Neltharion Dominus Cinerem
Alias: Nelth, Nel, Nelthy, and Nelly
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Personality: Nel is a nice dragon that likes joking a bit, Not so much that every sentence is a joke. He does it in the right moments. He will risk his life for the safety for his friends and fellow EW. The rest is beneath him in his eyes. He thinks that it would be more benefical to keep himself alive then trusting others to protect them all. As you can see he’s a bit arrogant and too confident. But still he still tries to be nice to everyone. Maybe not with the same amount of ‘nice’ as others. Even though Nel acts nice, He’s always on guard when strangers are around, If anything happens he’ll act immediatly even though it may be harmless. He always hides his guard, one way or another. He’s fascinated by magic and other arcane arts. He just loses his mind into it. Most of the time he forgets even what’s going on when he finds something worthy of his interest. He usually locks himself up in his residence researching that, Day and night.
And after he’s down with that he’s in a state that’ll he is extremely lazy because he’s so tired. He sleeps all the time, even during his job, while he’s out with friends or even when he’s dreaming. Yes he sleeps in his dreams..

If you did something against him, his friends or tribe, Prepare to meet him, in a not so friendly way. He’ll not go blindly after you but rather make the as many odds in his favor. He does that to instill fear into the heart of his as enemy.. He will never kill if he can just get away with sparing. In his eyes it’s much more fun to break someone then to kill them. When he’s like this he’s no longer his nice self but rather a machine bent on revenge or avenging.If the person is evil but hasn’t done anything, He’ll mess with that person a bit in a way that he says “try anything and you’re toast.”

He’ll neglect everyone because he thinks it’s his duty to do this alone. In times of war he becomes awfully serious. He spends no time having fun or doing anything for his won. He’ll neglect his own heatlh just so he can continue working on winning the war.
Interests:
Magic: He adores the arcane arts  and want to learn as much as possible. Not only that he wants to combine it with other things like machine work. for example: A magic powered pump

Adventuring: He loves the thrill you get out of it when you delve into the unknown. You never reallt expect what is in an ancient place.

Inventing: He just like to put things together and see waht it can do. Or if he needs to make something then he’ll be happy to find the right pieces to put it together

Relaxing: He is busy a lot, So he enjoys just taking breaks sometimes. But he’ll never do it when there is ssomething important.
Dislikes:
Anit-climatic stuff: What he really hates is if there is a very epic ruin or something and what he gets is practically worthless.

Evil: He hates them. But he won’t do anything unles they do something. It’ll just waste time wehn he has other things to do.

Humans: It’s still fresh in his mind when the humans destroyed everything. He wants to destroy them with a fiery passion.
Fears:
He fears failing. It doesn’t matter if he fails his friends, tribe or projects. All he wants is everyone to be happy and safe. But with failures that is impossible.

General Appearance
Height: 160 feet
Scales: Diamond shaped and slightly overlapping eachother
Eyes: Green
Appearance: Picture. He carries a satchel around. When he’s in comabt is left eye glows light blue with magical energy

Tribe Information and Status
Tribe: Earthwings
Inheritance: 50% EW - 50% FW
Rank: Royal advisor
Family: Unkown - Reason = Amnesia
Mate: I’m available just a bit shy to ask ;-;
Hatchlings: Nope

Skills and Abilities
Strengths: He has great offensive abilities and ranged capabilities. His mind is above average by all the studying he has done with magic and other stuff. He also is pretty good in dodging attacks. It may not be the best but it’ll do for him.
Special Abilities:
Spears of justice: He can conjure rock spears from the ground. they float above him. He can keep 10 at a time near him. They will break after each throw because he can’t control the velocity or direction after they have been launched, So they will either hit or hit the ground and break. it takes about 5 seconds to conjure a pair. They have the range of 350 feet. and travel 30 feet per send He has to launch the attack with a wave of his hand and activate the attack with a wave of his hand. if he isn’t able to do that it’ll just continue doing nothing. He can inly launch a maximum of 5 a a time and for each spear that has launhed he has to wait 2 seconds to fire again. So if he fired one he has to wait for 2 seconds and if he fired 2 ar once he had to wait 4 seconds before firing again. He can only make new ones when he's totally out.

Elemental assault: He uses the earth it self for attacks. He conjures shapes from the ground to attack his foe from a distance. It can be a pillar, single spike, a wall of smaller spikes or a wall to protect himself. this one can only be conjured up close and it will break after 1 hit. it has a range of 400 feet and moves at 40 feet per second. He has an other variant of this that is made of partially melted rock. This will do more damage with the added heat but only moves at 20 feet per second. The lava variation does more radius damage instead of penetration power because it's softer. both of these moves towards the enemy like a line that breaks open the earth slightly. He can only send 3 at a time and they will last for 10 seconds before breaking apart. He can not send new ones while the old ones are still up.

Fiery breath: He has an ordinary fire breath at 1150 degrees fahrenheit. it has a range of 160 feet. Or he can charge up his fire for 5 secods before firing to shoot out a line that explodes after 2 seconds for added damage. giving it a total of 7 seconds charge time. The radius of the explosion is 30 feet. It also is 300 feet long. You can notice how he charges because ge puts his chest forwards head back and he takes a deep breath.

Arcane kindle: Nel can summon a tiny flame to illuminate the area. The flame floats around him. It’s pure magic so it has no heat or can be used to ignite anything so it does NO damage. He just made it to look like a flame. Nel can also launch the flame at things with 20 feet per second, with a range of 100 feet. He uses this to distract, annoy or illuminate
Weaknesses:
He has a pityful defense when the attacks hit. he hasn’t trained his body much for physical figting. so he has a hard time fighting up close. But his size helps a little bit. He sucks at aerial combat. Most of his attacks need him to be close to the ground to start them. And he’s a pretty big target. He may be able to do something in the beginning but that’s it
Endurance: He might be relentless in the start but his stamina is meh he’ll get tired and his attacks will get weaker and weaker until he just collapses.
Manipulation: He can be easily manipulated if you have a friend, family member or another Earthwing. Like he will do what the person says so the prisoner will be freed. But he won't do it if the thing is too severe.
Combat Style: He attacks relentlesly and with almost no mercy if you're a threat. If not he'll just put minimal effort in it. He tries to push his enemy into position where he has the best chance of taking them out. He doesn’t like long fights so he always starts with somewhat stronger attack combos.

Background
History: He woke up in a field, There were Earthwing and human bodies everywhere. He was badly injured and he lost his memory.
RP Sample: Everyone knows meh :p

1st Approval

[2nd approval reserved for tempest as she requested it]

Thankyou Occy for the reservation of this app ^^

Now Nelth... Lets get to it.

Straight away, jumping into strengths here, I need you to be a bit more specific with some things.

Neltharion wrote:He has great offensive abilities and ranged capabilities.

I'm going to need you to explain what kinds of offensive abilities which he has, is it referring to his special abilities? Or is it referring to something which has slipped your mind and forgot to put into your app? State what this is referencing to so that it's a bit more clear.

Nelthation wrote:He also is pretty good in dodging attacks.

I need you to state just exactly what he can dodge, give me examples of what he can dodge. Can he dodge a tidal of water or something as fast as a bolt of lightning? State the things which your dragons can dodge and be sure to say what he can't dodge so that if you ever go into a combat RP you know what you can and can't dodge. Just remember though, your dragon is huge and is somewhat slow due to their size, they aren't as quick and agile as a SkyWing so I wouldn't expect him to be able to dodge attacks that a SkyWing potentially could dodge.

Special abilities time...

Neltharion wrote:Spears of justice: He can conjure rock spears from the ground. they float above him. He can keep 10 at a time near him. They will break after each throw because he can’t control the velocity or direction after they have been launched, So they will either hit or hit the ground and break. it takes about 5 seconds to conjure a pair. They have the range of 500 meters. and travel 50.m/s He has to launch the   attack with a wave of his hand and activate the attack with a wave of his hand. if he isn’t able to do that it’ll just continue doing nothing.

Okay, first of all, none of this is in foot, which is the measurements used by the site for making apps. I've done quick calculations, and this is what you want me to approve in your character.
-1640 feet ranges
-164 feet per second speeds, or 118 miles per hour or 180 kilometres an hour.

That's way too strong. You are going to need to nerf these ranged and speeds an incredible amount if you want to keep them. I'd reccomend dropping the speeds to 40-55 foot per second, and the range down to AT LEAST 500 foot-although that will be the absolute max range, I'd prefer around 400 feet. Keep in mind the other sizes for other species when you make this ability, as some are as small as 40 foot and this ability is 10x their size.

With the ability in general, right now he can have 10 spears activated, and if one breaks, straight away he can resummon them as well. I'm going to need you to put something like a cool down into this ability, how long after one breaks until he is able to use them again. Also state if he fires all of the spears at the one time. State what happens if the spears are accidentally thrown into the air, what happens when they reach their max range? Currently, this ability is far too overpowered for a split in inheritance, so this needs to be nerfed a little.

Neltharion wrote: Elemental assault: He uses the earth it self for attacks. He conjures shapes from the ground to attack his foe from a distance. It can be a pillar, single spike, a wall of smaller spikes or a wall to protect himself. this one can only be conjured up close and it will break after 1 hit. it has a range of 500 meters and moves at 50 m/s. He has an other variant of this that is made of partially melted rock. This will do more damgae with the added heat but only moves at 25 m/s. both of thes move towards the enmey like a line that breaks open the earth slightly.

Again, you are going to nerf the speeds of this as they are way too fast. You will also need to at least half the speed of the melted rock version of this as well.

He can use the rock walls in 4 different types, however, you have not specified how tall that they are able to get. You have to state this or you can make pillars up to the SkyWing palace with ease. That needs to be nerfed, place a maximum height on this ability. I also need you to state how wide the wall is, and the width of the spike.

You also need to state how many walls he can have up at once, and also state how many he can form before a cool down is activated to force him to wait before creating any more.

With the 'more damage' section, give me examples of what you mean by damage. I mean, if a rock spike pillar slammed into a dragon, I'm pretty sure that a gaping hole in their side is already a lot of damage. How will the dragon be hurt more?

Neltharion wrote: Fiery breath: He has an ordinary fire breath at 1150 degrees. it has a range of 200 meters. Or he can charge up his fire for 5 secods before firing to shoot out a line that explodes after 2 seconds for added damage. giving it a total of 7 seconds charge time.

1150 degrees what? Celsius or Farenheit? There's a huge difference between the two, as in Celsius, that is close to what the site uses to judge temperatures, which is Farenheit. I need you to specify the degrees or it could be bent to be incredibly overpowered and just normal pure FW breath.

200 meters is equal to 656 feet. That's further range than all FireWings. You are going to need to change this and bring the maximum distance right down to around 160 feet.

How large is the explosion? If you have an explosion on the end, there's always a reason to have it, so state what the perks of using this explosion is. Don't not state them as it just leaves gaps which can be really twisted and abused for extremely powerful attacks.

Also, state how others might know if he is charging his breath.

Neltharion wrote:Arcane kindle: Nel can summon a tiny flame to illuminate the area. The flame floats around him. It’s pure magic so it has no heat or can be used to ignite anything. He just made it to look like a flame. Nel can also launch the flame at things with 10 m/s.

The main issue I have with this is that you have specified cool down times, and how many he is able to have active at once. I need you to state these. Also, if the flame doesn't do anything and is just for light, why would he throw it at others? Would it be for a distraction purpose? If so, it needs to be said...

Weaknesses.

I'm going to need you to explain what you mean with all of them, as in one section you are talking about him not having a pitiful defence and not being able to fight (which I don't understand as EarthWings are renowned for their incredible bulk and sturdiness), and then you are saying the exact same thing in the endurance section of your app? You told me that in a previous section, tell me something new.

OVERALL REVIEW.

You need to nerf the ranges on your abilities, be more specific with them as some of them are incredibly powerful.
I also need you to state limitations of your abilities. Everything needs a limit. Unless you are a full god... Then you don't.
Add more weaknesses and be specific with the current ones.

Bump when edited~~

Le Bump~

Le Bump~ #2

Approved!!!