Neltharion~ :3 (Redone)

Name: Neltharion Terranus
Alias: Earth-Warder (formerly know as Deathwing)
Age: 11595 years (been stuck in an crystal for 11452 years 143 years old without the crystal part)
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Personality: He is an friendly dragon but will be a bit hostile if you seem a threat to him. He sometimes prefer to be alone so he can think and learn new practical things He likes to make jokes time to time if he can. He is adventurous but cautious. If you first meet him he can be a bit hostile because he doesn’t know what you’re intentions are or that you’re good or evil but when you get to know him he is a very nice guy but he still is a bit to serious sometimes. he will do whatever he can to help. If he sees trouble he has to help because he made a promise to himself that he will protect the weak and help the innocent. he is determined he will never quit with anything he will continue till the very end. In serious situations like a war time he will become bloody serious. But when you meet him in the middle of the battlefield at the wrong time He will be a cold blooded killer. He will only stop if his friends or family stop him. (if he ever gets one ;-; )
Interests: He likes to seek ancient knowledge, battle training and relaxing at beautiful places
Dislikes: He dislikes mindless brutes but will still help them if needed, evil beings that want to do harm to others and he hates if he can’t figure something out. And his worse dislike are humans.
Fears: He fears being powerless that he can’t help anybody or make a change his worst fear is seeing his friends in pain.

General Appearance
Height: 147 feet
Scales: He is black with a tint of red and has sharp scales that are really hard his color resembles that of lava.
Eyes: Green eyes
Appearance: he is slightly bulky with large horns that are pointing slightly up a large tail blade with 3 blades all facing the same direction and a large wingspan making him a tiny bit faster than a normal firewing/Earthwing

Tribe Information and Status
Tribe: EarthWing
Rank: Royal Advisor
Family: Unknown
Mate: N/A
Hatchlings: N/A

Skills and Abilities
Strengths: He excels at elemental combat because he is an halfblood of fire and earth with both of them he can create lava but his fire is not as hot as an fire dragon. he can predict movements on behaviour of opponents he has sharp claws, teeth, tail blade and has a thick skin hard to pierce. He has a slight heat resistance because of Firewing heritage and doesn't have acid or poison. Even though he is a big dragon he prefers to dodge than rather let the scales take the full force of the attack. With his Earthwing heritage he can feel small vibration in the ground he can pick up something from a 100 feet range but he can only sense that something is in a 90* cone. He uses his legs to sense it. See it as a circle sliced in 4 peices. each leg is one slice and where the vibration come from he can sense. he can not say exactly how far someone is. there are only 5 distances he can sense. 20, 40, 60, 80 and 100 feet. for example if someone is 25 feet away he will feel that it's around the 20 feet mark. If someone is 95 feet away he will sense it at the 100 feet mark.

Special Abilities:

Full control He can shape Earth with his will in any way but does require concentration the size of armor is relatively easy but moving entire boulders is harder. a boulder of his size would take a bit of concentration but a full on wall will take a lot of concentration. he can dig holes with this it will take as much concentration as boulders his size. if somehow this conebtration is broken the object will fall if in the air or stay how it was when the concentration was broken.

Bloodlust:: he can overcharge his elemental power to be 2 times as strong but only lasts for a limited time and after that he is completely drained of all of his energy.

Crystals:: He always has some crystals with him infused with magic there are 5 different crystals: Heal,energy,explosive,flash and smoke. With the healing crystals minor cuts are healed instantly medium sized will be healed within an hour and fatal wounds will only be healed that it's barely surviveable. He has 10 of each but can only take a regenerating one twice. If he takes more than two, the magic is to much for him and he will become paralyzed.

Weaknesses: cold temperatures he would be unable to use fire then he can’t make lava so he lost 2 elemental abilities. A snowy climate won't do it but a big ice attack will do the trick.
He can be tricked by false moves to let him think that the enemy will do a certain attack.
Magic will go right through the hard scales. Slashes with magic weapons may scratch it but will not penetrate it. Stabs will work flawless. So any stab or small magic spell will go through. big ones will most likely create blunt force damage.
He will never back down for a fight or retreat. this will leave him in bad situations sometimes. If a enemy is smaller than him he underestimates them. Because of this they can get some good hits before he will go for the full 100%.
He has a hard time dealing with flying targets they are harder to trap or hit. Like it would take far mor energy to raise an entire pillar towards an flying target but in the air you have the freedom to go where you want to go. So he can only use his fire breath or his own body. He prefers to have the envirement in his favor but this way he can't. And his fire breath and the best either.

Combat Style: He analyzes his opponent first before he attacks tries to stay out of close combat range or goes in, And out constantly and uses mostly elemental attacks but is still dangerous in close combat

Background
History: Around 11000 years ago there was a small hatchling named Neltharion. He was abandoned as an egg by his parents. He never knew why, But he really wanted to know why. he was raised in a small rogue group. They were all differnt races and such, But none of them was a hybrid. And for that he really didn't have a lot of friends. There was just on Firewing that was his friend. And it was like this for years till he was just barely a adolescent. The first thing he wanted to know is who were his parents. He asked the elders where they found him. and they pointed him to a dark forest. He decided to go alone there. He came across a old temple. Inside was a small orb of light just wanting to be touched. As soon as he did he found out why his parents left him. They were part of a demonic cult. He was to be made eto be either a sacrafice but if he was worthy enough take over the world. unfortunatly for him the evil demons that reside in the orb has sensed that he was worthy. And soon enough they began clouding his mind with Death,Blood,Pain,Fear,hatred and Anger. It made him want to kill and conquer the world. After the worthy one has been transformed a dark light beam shot into the sky signalling that the worthy one has come. The demons thought they were free but the opposite happened. He was to focused on killing and conquering that he locked them up in the deepest of caves. And so with his members he went to war with everyone. He played it smart at first suprise attacks everywhere. he already has taken half the world with that tactic. but now they all know the power he holds and they unite to fight him. But even their combined forces weren't enough to defeat him and his tactics. So they cam up with a new plan the ones that weren't coquered atleast. They would let one fall to be a trap to lure him in and neutralize him. When he cam in the palace he now 'Controlled' he was ambushed by dozen of mages trapping him in a crystal. They wanted to kill him right there and now but they didn't want the risk of freeing him again so they hid him somewhere in the mountains. Now after those 11000 years the magic has weakened enough to break free, But he wasn; t the same anymore. He forgot everything he has done. The only thing he remembered was his name. and so He decided to roam the world as a rogue. Slowly he regained his memories in the form of nightmares. After a while he knew those weren't just nightmares it were memories still edged into his mind. he saw the terrible things he has done and vowed to never do any harm ever again. So the best option was to be with a tribe. He didn't know if he should join the Firewings or the Earthwings. He looked into the water and when he saw his Eye color he thought why not? And so he joined the Earthwings. He was happy, But then the humans came and wiped out almost he entire Earthwing race. After all that carnage he snapped, Unleashing the killer in him. He took out a lot of humans before he had to retreat. At that moment he knew, He found his true self. But his true self was not a mindless killer but a friend to all whoe isn't scared to give his life for the sake of others.
RP Sample: Neltharion was flying above the forest” i’m so bored right now ”he thought.
“ what could i do to make my day at least bearable ”he flew some more until he noticed he was above an city “ maybe i could buy some new books ” so he landed and went in the bookstore. THE END

Approved

DECLINED!

I'm sorry, but I am going to be pulling this out of approved for a few reasons.

Firstly:

Full control He can shape Earth with his will in any way but does require concentration the size of armor is relatively easy but moving entire boulders is harder.

I would like you to go into more detail, state how large the boulder is that is hard for him to move. What weights? How much concentration does it need for him to do this? What happens if the concentration is broken while he is trying to move the earth?

Secondly:

Bloodlust:: he can overcharge his elemental power to be 5 times as strong but only lasts for a limited time and after that he is completely drained of all of his energy.

OKAY NO. I will not allow someone to become 5x as strong, that is basically like a demi-if not semi ability if they have concentrated their powers into brute strength. Because of this, I will have to ask that you reduce the strength of this ability. Even if he is completely drained of all energy, it is still too high in regards to how much strength which he gains. 5x as powerful as his strong state is too much.  

Thirdly:

Crystals:: He always has some crystals with him infused with magic there are 5 different crystals: Heal,energy,explosive,flash and smoke.
He has 10 of each but can only take a regenerating one twice.
If he takes more than two, the magic is to much for him and has a random effect.

I think you should state the random concequence that can happen. Can it be a good thing? Can they further empower him or will it just not be empowered and be a negative effect? Give examples of what can happen in your app if he takes more than 2 healing crystals.

Finally:

Weaknesses: cold temperatures he would be unable to use fire then he can’t make lava so he lost 2 elemental abilities he can be tricked by false moves to let him think that the enemy will do a certain attack and Magic will go right through the hard scales.

I would like you to expand on this. How cold does it need to be, how easily can he be tricked?
What sort of magic or unique abilities would be able to get to him?
These are the things which I believe that you need to change up a little, edit, and put a bit more thought into it. I also would like you to have a little more weaknesses as you can basically instantly heal yourself at the drop of a hat with your crystals (which, mind you, is borderline op). To balance this, create more weaknesses and remember them when you role play.

Just fix these few things up and bump it when they are all good <3

Just adding to Tempest's review:

Neltharion wrote:If he takes more than two, the magic is to much for him and has a random effect

I'm going to have to ask you to think of another adverse effects for this one. There is nothing regulating the 'random effects' of your crystals. You can just state that you got 100 speed boosts in a row without a single bad effect, and there's nothing for us to prove otherwise. So no, random chances within abilities are banned.

You will also need to state how much can one healing crystal heal, as in the extent of the injury. Can it only heal minor cuts all over him? Or can it heal large gashes and burns? You need to be specific with this.

Neltharion wrote:Weaknesses: cold temperatures he would be unable to use fire then he can’t make lava so he lost 2 elemental abilities he can be tricked by false moves to let him think that the enemy will do a certain attack and Magic will go right through the hard scales.

I only see one weakness here.

Neltharion being easily tricked by false moves is one weakness, but the inability to use his attacks in cold temperatures is a limitation. Limitations belong within the abilities section when you are describing his fire breath or his lava abilities.

Even so, him being tricked easily is not enough to balance out everything you have here. He has 'strong elemental control' over fire and earth, he can predict movements and react, he can go Bloodlust Mode, and he has tons of crystals with different effects (holding up to 10). So yeah, one weakness against this many abilities, some more powerful.

Overpowered.

--

Just go through all of Tempest's suggestions as well as mine before bumping.

I hope this is good ;-;

You have addressed some of what Sly and I had talked about, I think it's alright but I shall double check with Sly. Can I request that you break up your abilities, strengths and weaknesses like you have with your unique abilities? It's hard to read through a slab of text.

Neltharion wrote:cold temperatures he would be unable to use fire then he can’t make lava so he lost 2 elemental abilities. A snowy climate won't do it but a big ice attack will do the trick. he can be tricked by false moves to let him think that the enemy will do a certain attack and Magic will go right through the hard scales. Slashes with magic weapons may scratch it but will not penetrate it. Stabs will work flawless. So any stab or small magic spell will go through. big ones will most likely create blunt force damage. He will never back down for a fight or retreat. this will leave him in bad situations sometimes.

I think you need to still change your weaknesses. You have not addressed the weakness to the cold and ice with where the ABILITY itself is. I'd also like you to specify how hot your fire is, as well as state their limitations (aka the cold you mentioned in weaknesses) there with the ability itself.
You have said that that a large ice attack would stop him. I need you to state how large the ice attack needs to be. However, this isn't exactly a weakness as he still has access to his giant earth abilities as well as his crystals and bloodlust state.
The only real weakness which you have added to your character is his tenancy to not back down from fights.
For the amount of abilities you have, and how strong they are, either your weaknesses have to be increased or you need to go into greater detail about how your weaknesses affect the dragon. If you choose not to go into greater detail, I will not accept anything less than 4 or 5 weaknesses due to his rather insane ability to instantly heal.

Oh! And you didn't say that you tried to add another ability on your character.
Don't think I didn't notice this change...

Neltharion wrote:With his Earthwing heritage he can feel small vibration in the ground he can pick up something from a 500m range but he can only sense that something is in a 30* cone. He can only guess the distance every 100 meters.

I am going to say... excuse me? to this. I need you to change this completely if you want it. 500 meters is WAY too far. We're trying to balance your character, and you decide to make another ability which is partially broken. To make him not op again, you will need to change this. I wouldn't accept anything above 200 feet for the sensing, especially when he is being able to sense something so small. Even if its a 30* cone, I will not accept this if it is not reduced. You need to also state HOW he is able to sense the vibrations as well.

Also, what do you mean by he can only guess the distance every 100 meters? That doesn't make sense. You need to explain this further.

You're going to have to add another weakness or have GIANT limitations for this ability. Being able to sense something which is small from such a great distance is really rather over powered and I would expect a dragon who has training and an ability dedicated to sensing earth tremors to be able to reach 500 meters. Reduce this.

---

Bump when edited and fixed.

Bump

Age:
"11595 years (been stuck in an crystal for 11452 years 143 years old without the crystal part)"

Age limit is roughly 2000. Even if you have been stuck in a crystal, your body would age or wither away.

NOTE. You are a hybrid, and are therefore weaker than purebreds in that element.

Strengths:
"With his Earthwing heritage he can feel small vibration in the ground he can pick up something from a 100 feet range but he can only sense that something is in a 90* cone. He uses his legs to sense it. See it as a circle sliced in 4 peices. each leg is one slice and where the vibration come from he can sense. he can not say exactly how far someone is. there are only 5 distances he can sense. 20, 40, 60, 80 and 100 feet. for example if someone is 25 feet away he will feel that it's around the 20 feet mark. If someone is 95 feet away he will sense it at the 100 feet mark."

You are a hybrid, not a pure EarthWing. You should not be able to pinpoint someone at a distance. You can feel vibrations, but should only be able to tell which direction they are coming from, +/- 45 degrees.

Special Abilities:
"He can shape Earth with his will in any way but does require concentration the size of armor is relatively easy but moving entire boulders is harder. a boulder of his size would take a bit of concentration but a full on wall will take a lot of concentration. he can dig holes with this it will take as much concentration as boulders his size. if somehow this conebtration is broken the object will fall if in the air or stay how it was when the concentration was broken."
Again. Hybrid. There is no way you can earth bend 150ft of rock and make armor for yourself would require even more earth. Just making armor would be hard enough, let alone raising boulders his size.

"Bloodlust:: he can overcharge his elemental power to be 2 times as strong but only lasts for a limited time and after that he is completely drained of all of his energy."
Hybrid. You cannot simply overload yourself to two times strength with no downside except for losing energy. That's saying you can basically achieve purebred levels or power and further while remaining a hybrid.

History:
"Around 11000 years ago there was a small hatchling named Neltharion."

This is out of the guide: Dragons have a lifespan that can reach up to 3000 years, though it is rare to see dragons living past 2500 years. In their youth, dragons grow rather quickly, reaching their maturity and a respectable size in around 20-25 years. From then their growth starts to slow down, until they reach 200-250 years. At this point, most dragons almost stop growing, or do so extremely slowly. Compared to a human lifespan, this corresponds to the mark of 40 years. The dragons then continue to grow extremely slowly up to around 1500-2000 years old, point at which they are considered old and start losing their physical prowess (comparable to a 60 years old human).



So, overall, fix your abilities to match your hybrid nature and fix your age.
(Note: Had approval from Tempest to assist <3)

Alright, additional to the things which Oculus has said.

Neltharion wrote:He excels at elemental combat because he is an halfblood of fire and earth with both of them he can create lava but his fire is not as hot as an fire dragon.

For the 3rd time. YOU NEED to place the LIMITATIONS which you state in the WEAKNESSES here. I have asked you do do this, and so has Sly. I need you to also state how warm your fire can get to, considering you are a hybrid it cannot get to the pure FireWing temperatures of 2.3k degrees. I would also expect from this that you also state the temperature of the lava. And how do you have the ability to control lava? Where does it come from? Your mouth? Can you call it from the ground? How do you use the lava and fire.

Here are the limitations of the fire/lava which should be placed with the strengths;

Neltharion wrote:cold temperatures he would be unable to use fire then he can’t make lava so he lost 2 elemental abilities. A snowy climate won't do it but a big ice attack will do the trick.

Another thing I found which needs to be changed.

Neltharion wrote:And his fire breath and the best either.

Wait, what? This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I don't know what you are trying to say here. But I think you are trying to say that they aren't the best? Or maybe they are the best? I don't know.
Fix this sentence and, again, place it in the LIMITATIONS of your strength. If you need help figuring out what I mean click here and scroll down to 'Hell claws' and you will see what I mean.

Neltharion wrote:Bloodlust:: he can overcharge his elemental power to be 2 times as strong but only lasts for a limited time and after that he is completely drained of all of his energy.

Nothing on this site can gain an incredible amount of power without a sacrifice. Your dragon needs to lose an ability, a strength, something so that it enables him to go into this state. Again, click on the link I have given you earlier, scroll down to 'bloodthirsty state' and read through it. This should give you an idea of what I am trying to get you to do.

Neltharion wrote:He will never back down for a fight or retreat. this will leave him in bad situations sometimes.

How will this leave him in a bad situation? Does he become reckless, or will he bite more than he can chew?


These, along with everything Oculus has said need to change. Also separate ALL of his strengths, weaknesses and unique abilities into different paragraphs. It's kinda hard to read a slab of text.

Bump when ALL of these things have been changed and edited. It will NOT be approved until they all are.