Hunter Dracon: Aerial Assassin and Sniper: Bane of the Corrupted

ummmmm.....just fyi.........unless admins changed it....no humans allowed ^^;

There aren't any human traits here.

*Rubs temples* Okay, so we got waaaaay more going on than just him being human... let's get started.

I'm afraid I must decline this app for the following reasons:

- No humans are allowed on this forum. (Thankies, Au~)

- "In Mass Effect there’s a personality or type of person called a Paragon and a Renegade. Hunter is more of a Paragon than a Renegade but he has his moments." This isn't exactly "wrong" but could you explain what that is, exactly? There isn't any Mass Effect influence here on the forum so it'd be great if you can go into detail as to why your character acts the way he does.

- "Hunter’s scales will sometimes shift to hide his brighter colors for when he needs stealth. Instead of a single powerful plasma blast he will fire several dozen weaker plasma bolts that are 30 millimeters in diameter. They tend to act like 30 mm bullets and can be fired in bursts of 25-100 at a time. When a bolt impacts it will explode and melt the impact point slightly. He can also use more powerful plasma bolts with a diameter of 60 millimeters. One shot is fired at a vital point in the target’s anatomy (Such as the head, heart, or neck.) from long range. Hunter’s claws are also an abnormality, his claws are thinner, stronger, straighter, and much sharper than most dragons. The edges of Hunter’s wings and tailfins are extremely deadly as the scales are extremely sharp and can slice a dragon’s head clean off."

SO FIRST OFF, it'd be great if you could bullet point individual abilities.

Secondly, can we just... you know... clear up your heritage? I would think that plasma bolts would branch off from FW/SkW-skills and abilities, but without that heritage, you can't really do that. Now, these individual abilities would be fine if they were nerfed... but then I came across this...

"The edges of Hunter’s wings and tailfins are extremely deadly as the scales are extremely sharp and can slice a dragon’s head clean off." This is a bit too OP, knowing that you have alllllll these other abilities lined up with power just as great, or greater.

"When a bolt impacts it will explode and melt the impact point slightly. He can also use more powerful plasma bolts with a diameter of 60 millimeters. One shot is fired at a vital point in the target’s anatomy (Such as the head, heart, or neck.) from long range."

This is a no no. You already have all these other powerful abilities in line, that are inevitably going to be nerfed. You are going to have to remove the effect that they will melt the impact point, even if it's slightly, it's giving you too great of a power. Everything about it is too OP. Fire rate, how precise it is, and the power in small forms. You are also too small. Please be at least 10 feet if you are not a SeaWing or SkyWing. You can also not be a Night Fury unless related to Nimbus or Astral.

- This is simple: More weaknesses, that are effective.

SOLUTIONS:

- Remove or fix everything as it followed.

- More weaknesses or less, nerfed abilities.

Note: *deep breath*

Just pasting what I already put in the other thread, since you didn't seem to acknowledge it...

For the character himself I'm sorry to say there are a few things we can't allow. Mainly his ability to change to human, as we do not allow human characters.
The plasma shoot is also way too powerful, in all its aspects : fire rate is just too high, too powerful and too precise. Should you want to retain that "sniper" aspect you'll need to seriously tone that down. I'd suggest having the ability to breathe some sort of acid spit (if you don't mind having some Earthwing heritage) or light beam (if you don't mind having some Lightwing heritage) that would be thin and concentrated compared to the normal breath attack, inflicting serious damage in an extremely small radius, with most range than other dragons (but not insanely high either).

Minimal size of a dragon is 10 feet standing on all fours and that's only if you're a Skywing, otherwise you'll need at least 20 feet. You'll also need to throw in another weakness as your kit is overall really powerful even with the changes I suggested, and your two last weaknesses aren't really valid (eels is a fear, not a weakness, and holding someone as hostage is not specific to you).

And just for information Rogues have no ranks, so no point in putting them.

Since everyone is asleep atm and to MAYBE point out some things to fix before admins see this (to hurry things along).


1. Read Cossy's post....not half of it, not part of it, all of it.
a. Tribe?
b. Nerf?
2. Read Hyruu's post.......
a. Height?
b. Abilities?
3. I hightly doubt guns are allowed (actually, I'm 99.9999% certain they are not).
4. Your pictures don't work. And "your dragon form?" No humans, including shapeshifters. Its dragons only.
5. Three dislikes, not just one


Just fyi, ignoring what admins post completely usually makes them not want to look over your app, which means you'll be stuck waiting longer to hear the same stuff again.

Hope you can make the changes!

Well like Au pointed, read my post. Also instead of making another post you can edit the first one and notify us when you're done.

Declined. Please enforce and fix what has been told.

At this point I'm starting to wonder if you even read what we wrote. Still declined, same reasons

Alright,

Since there is hardly any changes that were implemented probably due to some unforeseen confusion, I am going to write an in-depth review of your application, as well as providing any suggestions I can think of to make your app more acceptable. Cossy and Hyruu had already provided SPECIFIC suggestions like you have requested, so I insist you read their reviews thoroughly:

Hyruu wrote:The plasma shoot is also way too powerful, in all its aspects : fire rate is just too high, too powerful and too precise. Should you want to retain that "sniper" aspect you'll need to seriously tone that down. I'd suggest having the ability to breathe some sort of acid spit (if you don't mind having some Earthwing heritage) or light beam (if you don't mind having some Lightwing heritage) that would be thin and concentrated compared to the normal breath attack, inflicting serious damage in an extremely small radius, with most range than other dragons (but not insanely high either).

Cosmos wrote:
SO FIRST OFF, it'd be great if you could bullet point individual abilities.

Secondly, can we just... you know... clear up your heritage? I would think that plasma bolts would branch off from FW/SkW-skills and abilities, but without that heritage, you can't really do that. Now, these individual abilities would be fine if they were nerfed... but then I came across this...

"The edges of Hunter’s wings and tailfins are extremely deadly as the scales are extremely sharp and can slice a dragon’s head clean off." This is a bit too OP, knowing that you have alllllll these other abilities lined up with power just as great, or greater.

"When a bolt impacts it will explode and melt the impact point slightly. He can also use more powerful plasma bolts with a diameter of 60 millimeters. One shot is fired at a vital point in the target’s anatomy (Such as the head, heart, or neck.) from long range."

This is a no no. You already have all these other powerful abilities in line, that are inevitably going to be nerfed. You are going to have to remove the effect that they will melt the impact point, even if it's slightly, it's giving you too great of a power. Everything about it is too OP. Fire rate, how precise it is, and the power in small forms. You are also too small. Please be at least 10 feet if you are not a SeaWing or SkyWing. You can also not be a Night Fury unless related to Nimbus or Astral.

And now for my review to add to theirs.

Hunter Dracon wrote:
Species: Icewing/Skywing/Lightwing/Firewing

Although this has happened before, I am going to keep an eye on this as I read your app.

After reading your abilities and weaknesses, I see absolutely no reason why you need the Icewing heritage. This is especially since one of his weaknesses is being frozen in the neck.

Hunter Dracon wrote:
Personality: In Mass Effect there’s a personality or type of person called a Paragon and a Renegade. Hunter is more of a Paragon than a Renegade but he has his moments. He tends to be merciful towards those he deems do not need to die. The only people he kills are his targets and those the try to hurt him, his friends, his comrades, and his family. As his parents were murdered when he was fifteen the only person he has left is his only remaining sibling… His sister.

• A paragon is a someone of exceptional merit.
  

Umm…okay. As a suggestion, you will need to expand on what personalities do Paragons have. If it is just being merciful (exceptional merit is an achievement, not a personality), then you will need a lot more for your personality. How does he act normally when around people (friend and foe)? What ticks him off?

Hunter Dracon wrote:
Dislikes: Those that have been corrupted by money and power.

I believe you need more dislikes. At least 5, not 1.

Hunter Dracon wrote:
Fears: Eels

Expand on this. Why does he fear evils, despite being much larger?

Hunter Dracon wrote:
Height: 15 ft (Standing on hind legs)/ 4 ft (On all fours)

I strongly advise you to read our Dragon Tribes and Ranks, which is listed in the Quicklinks Tab to the left. MINIMUM height when standing on ALL FOURS is 10ft for Skywings, 20ft for other species.

Hunter Dracon wrote:
Strengths: Stealth, Long range precision, Agility, speed, and his sensitivity to his surroundings.

The app initially needed you to include at least MENTAL and PHYSICAL strengths. Here, your mental strengths are absent, and I would strongly recommend you ‘tidy up’ your physical strengths here. ‘Agility’ and ‘speed’ are two identical things that don’t need to be repeated. I would also need you to expand on each strength. How is he stealthy/precise over long range/speedy/sensitive? How did he acquire all of these? And how do they come into play when he fights or is in a ‘mission’? I am also going to keep an eye on these strengths.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter’s scales will sometimes shift to hide his brighter colors for when he needs stealth.
  

This is part of the Lightwing heritage, which you did include above. However, you will need to add limitations/drawbacks that is preventing Hunter from using and abusing his camouflage in any given situation. Does this, for example, tire him easily? Can he not hold the camouflage for a long time? The reason I am asking for this is because of the number of abilities that you have here that completely overshadows your viable weaknesses (note I said viable, as some weaknesses are impossible to apply).

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Instead of a single powerful plasma blast he will fire several dozen weaker plasma bolts that are 30 millimeters in diameter. They tend to act like 30 mm bullets and can be fired in bursts of 25-100 at a time.
  

I am going to ask you to nerf this considerably because of how overpowered and deadly just one volley of this can be. Because of the lack of description, I am going to assume they retain the same speed as bullets. One bullet, ESPECIALLY a plasma bullet, is enough to kill any dragon. Considering the speed of the dragons here in general, no one is going to be able to dodge this. This, and adding that he has ‘long range precision’ and can fire 25-100 bullets at the same time… yeah no.

No amount of limitations can ever balance how heavily overpowered this single ability is. You can just fire one plasma shot and kill any enemies you encounter before they can even react to put up a defence. This, and coupled with your stealth, means all you need to do is attack someone by surprise and they are dead, with absolutely 0 chance of defending a death attack no matter how skilled in combat RP they are.

If you want to keep this, I would consider cutting down your burst. I would also need to know the effects of these blasts. Do they explode or penetrate? And how powerful are the blasts if they explode? If you are keeping this burst and speed, you will have to cut down the power to almost insignificant levels. To be honest, I don’t know how to balance this. It depends on what you want to keep and what is not necessary. Some suggestions I can provide are cutting down the burst, speed and power. Combining this with your stealth and precision is just too deadly.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• He can also use more powerful plasma bolts with a diameter of 60 millimeters. One shot is aimed and fired at a vital point in the target’s anatomy (Such as the head, heart, or neck.) from long range.
  

This can be God modded, and because of this, I am going to ask you to reword and nerf this. It’s basically telling me that Hunter can just close his eyes, spin on the spot and fire this plasma bolt, and automatically hit the one and only foe, 1000metres away, right in the head. With your ‘long range precision’, this is highly unnecessary. And I also insist you follow the nerf for the plasma blasts above for this ability as well. Speed, precision and deadliness is far too extreme and impossible to even defend against. Not even the fastest of Skywings (the fastest species of dragons) can dodge a blast like this and is likely dead due to potential godmodding of directing the bullet automatically to vital points.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter’s claws are also an abnormality, his claws are thinner, stronger, straighter, and much sharper than most dragons. They are also completely retractable.
  

I am pretty sure there are some drawbacks to having this if he gets into a fight and such.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• The edges of Hunter’s tailfins are extremely deadly as the scales are extremely sharp and can slice a dragon’s head clean off. He also has razor sharp claws on his wings that act like blades, He uses these when he charges his opponents, impaling them on the long bladelike claws.
  

Overpowered. This, and combining all those above, is enough to tell me that Hunter pretty much covered every single weakness he could potentially have, and that there is absolutely no safe way for potential fighters to go about defeating this guy. Range? Get shot down by point-precision plasma shots. Close combat? Get sliced to death from claws, or instantly beheaded by a tailfin. It is that impossible to defeat him from how I see it, and that is a major contributor to how overpowered he is becoming. Death is only allowed if users accepted to allow death in a topic or not, so I don’t see any point of having sharp tailfins when the claws can do just the same.

I don’t see any way of improving this aside from just leaving them as bladed tailfins or wing claws to cut foes with like swords. Beheading/Amputation or something similar along this line is far too extreme and is raising flags for it to be removed.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter has a smaller second pair of wings that he uses to dramatically increase his speed and maneuverability ten-fold when flying. When Hunter isn't using the extra pair of wings he hides them by basically molding them against his sides. He does this by shifting the scales on his wings and sides so that they slide in between each other. Once his wing scales are in place he locks timescales together. now all you seen is the top of the wing.
  

A second pair of wings doesn’t increase your speed and it actually cuts down your manoeuvrability. Rather, it’s only benefit is allowing Hunter to generate twice the lift, allowing him to get into the air more quickly. Something you may need to consider when doing your major revision. If you want more speed, then follow the Skywing’s description (another reason why I insist you read the dragon tribes first before making your app) and increase the size of your wings.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter's wing membranes (This includes all maneuvering fins, tailwind, and frills Hunter may has.) are covered with extremely light and tough microscopic scales that are extremely flexible. These microscales are tightly knit and interwoven together to create an extremely light, tough, flexible, and durable layer of shielding over the membranes so that they can't be torn or sliced apart. This also allows Hunter to use his wings and tailfins as shields in combat.
  

Right, so adding this ability as well, Hunter is untouchable. Long range combat and close range combat are too dangerous due to potential death from just one unmissable attack, and any attack against him can be defended by his membranes. All this combined is putting Hunter far above the threshold of what’s considered overpowered, and for this reason none of the staff could approve Hunter unless some of these abilities are either removed or completely changed.

And now for weaknesses…

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter has hollow bones to allow for a lighter weight for faster speeds, heightened maneuverability, and quieter movements.
  

How is this even a weakness then? All this is giving me is how advantageous it is to have hollow bones. Do they break easily? Does that mean he is not that physically strong because his bones can’t withstand any tension whatsoever? All of these are very contradictory to the above. If the bones break easily, that means Hunter can’t withstand a lot of drag and will have his bones snapped in half if he goes fast. This also means he can’t perform slices without having his tail, arms, and wings giving way and snap in half. And finally, this also means blocking with his membrane is a little useless because the force of the impact is enough to break your hollow bones.

As a suggestion, figure out what the disadvantage of Hunter’s hollow bones are, and readjust your abilities accordingly. Currently, it is both overpowered and inconsistent.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter only has scales in certain areas. These areas include his wings, tailfins, head, neck, underbelly, knees, tail, and forelegs. He has no scales on his back and hind legs.
  

This is…okay I guess? I’m not sure about having scales on the underbelly, since that is the most common weakpoint of all dragons. Even then, nearly all dragons have scales, some of which aren’t as protective, so I don’t see what’s the benefit of having scales for Hunter. I guess it means his weakpoints are exposed as his back and hindlegs? A bit nitpicky, but this will pass.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter is more vulnerable to earth attacks.
  

This is what I am also confused about. How is he even vulnerable to earth attacks, and what do you mean by earth attacks? Do you mean dragons hurling boulders? Large land masses? Acid spits? This is also borderline NOT a viable weakness. Hunter is part Skywing, and his specialty is his speed and aerial flight, meaning he had already covered himself from all earth attacks, and this is no longer a weakness.

Consider thinking over a replacement for this.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter can’t use his plasma repeater ability (The high rate of fire for his plasma bolts.) if the enchanted green metal neckband is damaged, broken, or somehow taken off. It’s what allows Hunter to shoot plasma bolts with a high rate of fire.
  

Again, not a viable weakness. How can any enemy ever have the luck to go up to Hunter and take off or damage his neckband? This is also not a very good weakness, given that he can protect himself with his membranes (thereby also preventing anything from targeting his neck) and that it only takes away his range attacks, when his shielding AND claws, tailfin and wing claws are already a deadly combination that makes him practically invincible.

Either rethink about this weakness or change your special abilities.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• If something were to freeze Hunter’s neck, he wouldn’t be able to use his breath weapon until the ice thaws.
  

This is pretty much the same as the above weakness. Aim at the neck (also where his neckband is) and you take away his ability to throw plasma. Adding the same thing as another weakness does not count as a proper second weakness.

Consider another weakness.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter has a minor artery on both sides of his neck and those two spots have no scales whatsoever.
  

So you basically contradicted yourself? You said the only regions without any scales were his back and hindlegs. Also, how is this weakness even specific for him? Don’t all dragons have arteries on both sides of their necks as well?

Consider another weakness.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter has no scales on the sides of his belly so he is vulnerable to attacks from the sides unless he has his second pair of wings hidden. If Hunter's second pair of wings is hidden his sides are armored except for a few places. On Hunter's shoulders and under his first pair of wings is an area where there aren't any scales and these spots lead straight to Hunter'a lungs and heart.
  

Alright I will definitely advise you to properly proofread your app before bumping it for review. This is another contradictory weakness to the one about scales over all parts of his body saved for his back and hindlegs. I also highly doubt any dragon can ever reach those areas, considering how protected he is with his membranes, and I am also going to assume that Hunter’s scales are tough enough to withstand some attacks. If that’s the case, then all these spots of weaknesses are highly unreasonable, as it is unlikely that anyone can ever reach those spots. First, they have to bypass Hunter’s membranes. After that, they will have to pray for dear life he did not twitch his shoulder, and therefore blocked the attack.

Rethink about this weakness.

Hunter Dracon wrote:

• Hunter has no scales under his chin and one good stab with a tail-blade, claw, spear, or anything long or sharp enough to reach his brain.
  

I noticed a lot of your weaknesses are based on how to instantly kill Hunter. A lot of the time, killing was not allowed, so I don’t see how any of the listed weaknesses above can ever balance his own strengths. All Hunter really needs to do is be mindful of those very small spots of weaknesses and he is all good to go. You are also contradicting yourself here. Again, proofread your app before ever bumping it for the staff to read.

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Overall, you have a lot of overpowered abilities, and I think you were attempting to balance it out with weaknesses that will kill Hunter (which is then diminished when a lot of combat RPs may not allow death of a character). As a result, Hunter is overpowered, inconsistent and highly unbalanced, with over the top abilities against over the top weaknesses (based on very small sensitive spots scattered all over his body). Your Sample RP is also an indication that it takes just one flurry of plasma blasts to kill a dragon. For future reference, I strongly recommend you read the staff’s review of your applications thoroughly and properly act on them with however you wanted it to be. I also recommend you read other applications that are approved, as they will give you an idea on what an ideal app would look like.

Bump when you have made the changes above. I’m very sorry. Not trying to be rude, but I will not look at your app again unless at least some of these changes has been followed and acted upon. 2 of us staff already reviewed your app. And both of which you have completely ignored. Now I have made an in-depth review, hoping to show you where Hunter needs to change before he can see the approval stage.

As of now:

DECLINED

Alright...........

I suppose you have acted on at least some of my suggestions, albeit many of them aren't that serious. Im going to spoonfeed everything that you need to change.

Again, I dont see why you EVER needed the Icewing heritage at all. Remove this.

Your plasma blast, if I have to repeat again, is overpoweres on too many levels. The burst, too much. The bullet aspect, too fast. How can any dragon ever dodge this at all? They can still be killed in one shot! Nerf both the speed and power of this thing.

Your tailfin is still showing its capability to behead a dragon. Its sharpness is overpowered. Remove this.

You changed earth attack to acidic attack, but you are not telling me WHY hes more vulnerable? Why cant he just dart to one side and avoid it? How is he even more vulnerable? Why cant he use his membranes to protect himself? Why??? EXPAND on all this and EXPLAIN.

You are still only giving us very small weakspots on Hunter rather than actually detailing what his proper weaknesses are. In summary, all Im reading is "yeah theres this spot on him thats weak". Nearly all of your weaknesses are highly unreasonable and almost impossible to exploit.

What kind of attacks can break through his defences? Why cant he just spam his plasma blasts? Even without the plasma blast, whats stopping him from charging forward and just lop their head clean off? I am not seeing ANY way any opponent can ever beat this guy. At all.

--

These are the changes I am looking forward to the most, but hardly any of them were considered and everything else that were minor has been dealt with. Again, Im going to have to ask you to read this and my previous review on your current abilities as I have literally sooonfed everything you need to know to get this app approved.

I will not be making anymore reviews beyond this, aside from officially approving it or if you completely changed Hunter. Me and 2 other staff had the same problems with your abilities but the main idea behind them were completely ignored with only superficial changes made (dropping the burst rate, which is very insignificant as the bullets still kill in one shot)