Sherlock

Personal Info
Name: Raven
Alias: Sherlock (everyone), The Gatekeeper (mostly lesser species and humans).
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Personality: Sherlock is watchful, scornful, and a bit passive aggressive towards dragons that she doesn’t know. She has the habit of being sarcastic and sassy. She can be very silent and is cunning when necessary. If you spend time getting to know her, she opens up and is more comfortable being vulnerable and showing she cares.
Interests: Sherlock is very interested in learning about those she talks to and gathers information. This is a good trait for her, as she is the gatekeeper and needs to have information on those who enter the territory.
Likes:
-Stars.
-She is fascinated by the sky.
-Slapping her tail on water.
-Scratching lines in ice.
Dislikes:
-Disprespect
-Dragons/lesser species trying to sneak into NightWing territory.
-Dead trees
Fears:
-She has a fear of drowning.
-Smaller creatures, such as wildcats and horses, make her slightly skittish.
-Having others think she is disrespectful.  

General Appearance
Height: 27 feet tall
Scales: Sherlock is mainly black with some steel blue feathers. She has grey sections of scale scattered throughout her body.
Eyes: Her eyes are a toxic green with no visible pupil.
Appearance: The picture at the top is NOT my art, but is how I picture her now.
Head: Her head is one of her most captivating features. She has a delicate muzzle that is all black. When she opens her mouth, the inside is the same toxic green as her eyes and glows slightly. Her saliva is a more diluted shade of this green. Her eyes are large and glossy, unnerving in their green. If you look very closely (which no one really wants to do), you can see her pupil. She has a small green jewel on top of her head which appears to be a third eye but isn't. Behind that jewel, there are whisker-y protrusions that leak black into the air. These act much like any whiskers and sense disturbance in the air around her. She has a series of spiked horns that begin at her jaw and stop level with the top of her head, and behind these, feathers make up a sort of headdress. The feathers continue down her neck and fade away on her back.
Body: Her body is mostly all black with the exception of the grey areas. It is slim but strongly built and is ideal for stealth and remaining unseen.
Legs: Her legs are, again, slim but strong. Her hind legs are slightly more muscled than her front because of her climbing the watchtower. Her claws are a black, lightweight, metallic substance that is sharp.
Wings: Her wing's arm is the same black scale as her torso, but the webbing is grey. Through the webbing run veins which appear black. She has little wing claws at the joint that can grab things.
Tail: Sherlock has a long, tapering tail with a row of porcupine-like black quills running down the top. These can release from her tail and stick into things.


Tribe Information and Status
Tribe: NightWings
Inheritance: 75% NightWing, 25% EarthWing
Rank: Tracker
Family: Mother (100% NightWing) was killed in combat. She had a little sister who was killed by her father, who is with the EarthWings (Father is 75% NightWing and 25% EarthWing).
Mate: N/A
Hatchlings: N/A

Skills and Abilities
Strengths:
-Being a dragon of stealth, she excels at sneak attacks. She relies mainly on her claws and toxic breath.
-Her claws are very sharp and can pierce almost any substance. EarthWing hide and the harder armors and stones are not permeable by her claws.
-She is very quiet and smart, often finding ways out of battle without getting hurt.
Weaknesses:
-Foggy weather makes her very uncomfortable.
-Her past embarrasses her and makes it easy to get inside her head.
-As she is a small dragon, she can be beat in physical combat by larger dragons.
Normal Abilities: Like most of her tribe, Sherlock's breath is a sleeping gas. It is black with toxic green at the center and is very potent. The darkness gives her energy that her scales absorb, and, when surprised, she exudes this darkness out of her body like a squid. This darkness dissipates quickly, but is effective
Special Abilities: I changed her special ability as it had nothing to do with the dark and was more an EarthWing power, so it might need reviewing.
Sherlock is able to create "Shadow Selves" that move away from her and mimic her form exactly. These allow her to create a distraction to escape or to confuse her enemy. She can create a maximum of one at a time. This power leaves her drained and less coordinated than before, so it's very important that it works the first time or she could get caught and killed. The "Shadow Self" is not, of course, a spitting image of her, so in broad daylight and up close other dragons could tell it is isn't her. She can use one per battle and they last for 3 posts unless torn through by another dragon prematurely.
Combat Style: She has a soft, lulling voice and makes other dragons feel comfortable around her. She circles the dragon, talking softly, mesmerizing them in a way. Once she has gotten close enough, she will put them to sleep with her breath and take them to the guardians to be dealt with. This usually only works on one dragon, not a group. When fighting is necessary, she uses her long claws and teeth to maim her opponents while exuding darkness from her scales.
Background
History: She was raised in a normal NightWings community, with her little sister and Mother. One day her mother didn’t come back from fighting, so she and her sister were transferred to the EarthWings community to live with her father. One day her father cracked from seeing too much bloodshed and killed Sherlock’s little sister in a panicked frenzy where he believed he was being attacked. Sherlock was terrified and fled back to the NightwWng’s territory. She has stayed there since, acting as the gatekeeper and tracker.
RP Sample: Sherlock stood in the middle of an iced-over lake. The frost patterns gleamed in a silver lace over the surface and steamed under her warm breath. Sherlock traced a single claw over the delicate pattern, sending slivers of ice skittering across the surface with tiny whispers. She was waiting, having heard the ice groan and crack a distance behind her moments before.  Slowly, trying not to smile, she tilted her head backwards, staring right into the eyes of a surprised dragon. "Gotcha," she said softly, and then she did smile.

Good effort for a first draft, though there are areas where you need to work on before it will be approved.

One concern I have your app is your ability to know another dragon simply by looking at them. Even if you are Sherlock Holmes, you cannot learn every bit of detail with certainty about the dragon with a mere glance. If you have been following Holmes, you would know he doesn't exactly know everything and a lot of it comes from mere deduction.

Your special ability is that of Earthwings, but I didnt see such inheritance (I can only see NW and FW). You will need to change this.

Your weaknesses are way too specific to even balance out her observation skills and her ability to control plants. No dragon is going to walk around carrying a llama or penicillin, especially if one of them doesnt exist yet (note Pyrrhia is set in a Medieval-Industrial timeline, so waaaay before Penicillin is even introduced). Essentially, she doesnt even have a weakness that any dragon can exploit at all. You also need to be specific in why particular objects are her weakness.

--

Please follow the suggestions outlined above before bumping the app.

Alright, I fixed a few of the things. Thank you so much for letting me know! Anything else that I need to fix?

Bump
Also I am happy that you know about Sherlock Holmes

A bit better, but there are some areas which I can see for improvements.

Just letting you know, that you are signing up for a tribe which you have zero heritage for. I read your history, and the latest tribe Sherlock was in is the Firewings. Choose either one and fix.

There are two issues with your strengths, one of which I just noticed. This is your claw being able to "cut through anything". This description is far too vague and can be taken as Sherlock being able to cut through things like diamonds or obsidian, among other extremely hard objects. This is overpowered and did not possess any limitations of its own (e.g. blunting of her claws).

Secondly, although you did change her deduction abilities, the problem is you can still metaplay and give your character information that she should not really be able to find out. Please describe how her deduction works, and how it leads to her deducing the background of other characters. This can be very difficult to fix, since it can still be seen as metaplay anyways. So make sure everything makes perfect sense before bumping for approval.

Ok, I have added more weaknesses and provided example of how the deduction works. I chose the EW tribe instead.

Your current tribe still states "Nightwing", and you have unintentionally changed your heritage to pure Earthwing instead? Read the app carefully, as what I wanted you to also change is the "Tribe" criteria, not "heritage".

Even if you have to suffer a lengthy wait of 3-4months, the problem is that Sherlock has now become a one-trick wonder. It is a common mistake to think that a highly overpowered ability can be balanced by a highly ourtrageous weakness. Your claws can still cut through anything, can cut through the NW Empire's wall, the thick hides of the Earthwings and just... basically anything. The issue is Sherlock can arrive in combat or a plot RP with her claws sharp because you can just state that she "Hasn't used it in 4months", hence bypassing your own weakness to allow her to use it almost infinitely (one for each topic).

As a suggestion, state a limit as to the hardest or strongest material she can cut through. And I would also suggest reducing the lengthy wait and just allow her to cut a certain hard material a few times before her claws get blunted and, either she waits for it sharpen again or find some flint or rocky surface to grind her claws in.

I have fixed more of the things.
Also: I'd like to thank you for taking some time to help me make my application better. It means a lot. What else can I fix to make it better?

That's much better. Glad I can help

APPROVED 1/2

Bump <3

bump

APPROVED 2/2

Out for edits

Baldirak Sapiens Draco wrote:Out for edits

Thanks very much!
I fixed everything I wanted, but this application might need to be approved again because I added some big changes in her combat style and special abilities.

For Inheritance, what the exact percentage of NightWing and EarthWing? Also, as far as I know, the NightWings don't have a rank called Gatekeeper, did you mean Guardian? If so, at the moment, I'm not having the members of the Imperium take on two ranks, but if you want to, then we can have an IC discussion about it once this is reapproved.

Baldirak Sapiens Draco wrote:For Inheritance, what the exact percentage of NightWing and EarthWing? Also, as far as I know, the NightWings don't have a rank called Gatekeeper, did you mean Guardian? If so, at the moment, I'm not having the members of the Imperium take on two ranks, but if you want to, then we can have an IC discussion about it once this is reapproved.

I'd say that Sherlock is probably almost 100% NightWing, maybe around 95%.
By Gatekeeper, I mean that she likes keeping an eye on those who come near the edge of NightWing territory, not really an actual rank. I'll take it out as it's probably more of an interest than a rank.
What else should I change, if anything?

Well, it says your father is 25% EarthWing, so Sherlock would be 75% NW, 25% EW.

For your special ability, does it also mimic her abilities? If so are the attacks just as powerful? How difficult is it to destroy the copy?

And the name Sherlock is already in use, so I can't change your username to that.

Baldirak Sapiens Draco wrote:Well, it says your father is 25% EarthWing, so Sherlock would be 75% NW, 25% EW.

For your special ability, does it also mimic her abilities? If so are the attacks just as powerful? How difficult is it to destroy the copy?

And the name Sherlock is already in use, so I can't change your username to that.

Sounds right haha! Math isn't who I am apparently. 75% NightWing and 25% Earthwing sounds great.
The copies serve more as decoys and do not attack. They move sporadically but realistically. They dissipate after several minutes.
As for the name, I don't really mind. Thanks though!
Anything else?

No problem. So the copy will dissipate after several minutes, but could it be destroyed before then by your opponent?

Baldirak Sapiens Draco wrote:No problem. So the copy will dissipate after several minutes, but could it be destroyed before then by your opponent?

Yes, I suppose. The copy is a thick screen of darkness that is Sherlock's likeness, so being torn through could dissipate the smoke prematurely.

Okay, well make sure you make the changes talked about above and let me know when you've done so.

Baldirak Sapiens Draco wrote:Okay, well make sure you make the changes talked about above and let me know when you've done so.

I think I've changed all the things we've talked about (remove Gatekeeper, change percentage of NightWing and Earthwing, clarify Special Ability). Was there anything I missed?

Oh,one more thing. Just need to state she is only resistant to poisons and toxins, less than EW hybrids of higher percentages, not immune like purebreds. After that, you'll be good to go. And since I can't change the name, maybe you could have Raven as the actual name, but everyone just falls her by her alias, Sherlock.

Baldirak Sapiens Draco wrote:Oh,one more thing. Just need to state she is only resistant to poisons and toxins, less than EW hybrids of higher percentages, not immune like purebreds. After that, you'll be good to go. And since I can't change the name, maybe you could have Raven as the actual name, but everyone just falls her by her alias, Sherlock.

Noted!
Name changed/fixed.

You actually forgot to add the resistance to her weaknesses, but it's fine, as long as you are aware that being a hybrid means her natural abilities aren't as strong. Reapproved.